Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
