nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
