please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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