She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
