yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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