oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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