when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
