Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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