I want to stick my p in your. b.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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