Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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