When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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