All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
