I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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