It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
