david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
