Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As shirtless as possible
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
