just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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