i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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