So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
