Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
