It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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