I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
