I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
