Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
two words...techno handjob
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
