What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
