the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
