Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
