so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Someone signed my nipple.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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