I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
