Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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