woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
