I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
