Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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