My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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