I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
did i walk over a car last night?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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