I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
