I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I love you.
Bad choice
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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