He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
