I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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