he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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