I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
