I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it because I queefed?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Drunk is not a location!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
