wrigley field is MILF paradise
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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