if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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