she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
