On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
