That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
