Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
