No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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