When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
do herpes really smell.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
