look no pants
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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