so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
